How We Lead Each Other

It’s literally my job to describe to the world the purpose of Side by Side, so I give a lot of thought and care to how I talk about it. But I recently had an experience of an unsolicited comment that captured what we’re about much better than I could have said myself. After a recent SBS gathering, a woman named Suzanne (who is both a mother of a SBS participant and herself a volunteer) approached me and said this. “I’m so blessed and encouraged by our SBS friends. You all have given them the opportunity to be pastors to others.”

That’s it. That’s the whole thing right there.

Suzanne recognized that her own life has become much richer because of how other SBSers have become guides and teachers. It is, of course, true that people with I/DD have many needs, and it is our duty (as a society) and our joy (as people) to try to meet these needs. But what is often missed is that our own lives are much paler if we are not regularly sharing time and experience with people of differing abilities.

So together, we learn both to pastor and to be pastored. One of our favorite songs at SBS, from our friends the Meek Squad, sings of Jesus as the “good good shepherd” (the word “pastor” is connected to shepherding). But even the good good shepherd himself needed pastoral care, whether from the Spirit in the Garden of Gethsemane or from Mary Magdalene or the women at the cross.

At SBS, we’re learning that pastoral care is mutual. I’ve witnessed it in countless ways just over the last few months, in response to all sorts of experiences, from the joy of a wedding to the sorrow of death to everything in between. My wife and I are expecting our third child any day now, and I’ve been getting constant pastoral reminders of the love-filled community that this baby is joining, including a kind note followed by three baby bottle emojis I just got from Sarah Bade, which both encouraged me and made me laugh.